I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You can't motorboat a personality
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
