Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
