Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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