I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
In America we eat man semen.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
These tits shall not be calmed
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