you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
