This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
