well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
