Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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