dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
