It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
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