the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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