Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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