And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
