I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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