i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Two words: blizzard sex
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
