I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
