If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Randomize
