Where did you get a picture of my penis
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
