I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
