Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i just had sex bonerless
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
