toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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