so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
be right there i have to get my cape
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
