i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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