Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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