I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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