I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
