you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
