recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
