Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Randomize
