drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
