what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
