Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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