omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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