It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize