Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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