Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
