you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
