You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
