Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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