I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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