laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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