Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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