Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
