I'm really into asian looking animals
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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