Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
