so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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