so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
