Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
