So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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