I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
PANTIES FOUND
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