I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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