I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
