he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
