you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
YAS. BRING CRAB.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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