you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
40s are totally the cure
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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