she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
