so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
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