dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
