Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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