Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
her vagine was all disorganized.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
